Whether your current partner has done you wrong in the past or you’re still simmering on something an ex-lover did years ago that severely betrayed your trust. Learning to fully trust again takes some serious time and patience. Trust comes naturally and almost effortlessly for some — there are many who claim they trust unless they are given a reason not to. But once they’re left heartbroken by an untrustworthy action, it can be tough for them to move forward.
If you have a difficult time putting your trust in those you’re close to, there’s good news — there are steps you can take to overcome these issues once and for all.
1. Stay present
This simple idea is one that’s easy to forget, but staying present with your friends, family, and partner can help alleviate some of your anxieties that are causing your trust issues. If your partner has cheated on you in the past and you’ve discussed it, sorted out the issues as well as you could, and then vowed to move forward so they can improve and learn from their mistakes, then stop living in the past. It’s difficult to forget when someone has done something to hurt you, but when it comes to building trust, you have to allow yourself space from the anxieties of the past.
2. Learn to forgive
If you’re still harboring resentment for an ex over their wrongdoings and you’re allowing this resentment to seep into your current relationships, then this can lead to having some serious trust issues. Anger is understandable in the moment when someone we know and love wrongs us, but a lack of forgiveness and letting go can lead to trust issues with others later down the line. To fully let go of this resentment and open up to trusting others, you have to learn to forgive.
3. Don’t repeat the same mistakes
Breaking up with your significant other after they have wronged you once may seem a little harsh, but when there are repeat offenses and you keep finding yourself unable to trust, then it may be time to cut ties. If you keep giving your boyfriend or girlfriend the chance to redeem themselves and they prove time and time again that they cannot be trusted, cut your losses now and don’t look back. If you stick around people who have consistently done you wrong (no matter how many times they have told you they would correct their mistakes), you’ll never fully trust them, and this lack of trust will seep into relationships later on that actually are good and beneficial.
4. Know what you want
Others will let you down unless they know what your expectations are, and more importantly, others will let you down unless you know what your expectations are. Lifehack explains you need to put yourself first for a little while to discover what you want, and don’t regret being selfish during this time. It’s time to figure out what makes you happy in your relationships and what really ticks you off. The clearer you are with your wants and needs, the more you’ll be able to trust.
5. Let go of fear
Most of us have felt betrayal before, so it can be difficult to let our walls down and be vulnerable to those around us. But, in order to learn to trust, you have to let go of this fear of hurting. Understand how opening yourself up to hurt also means you’ll be opening yourself up to love, affection, and joy. There are times in life when you will experience hurt at the hands of your loved ones, but understanding this and knowing you’ll get through it instead of fearing it is going to allow you to overcome your trust issues.