A friend of mine at the SEC said the agency has uncovered a magnanimous secret-society plot linking major financial executives who imploded the global economy. The list includes elite buffoons such as:
Ken Lewis (Bank of America), John Thain (Merrill Lynch), Dick Fuld (Lehman Brothers), James Cayne (Bear Sterns) Edward Liddy (AIG), Angelo Mozilo (CountryWide), Kerry Killinger (WaMu), Ken Thompson (Wachovia), Michael Perry (IndyMac), Raymond McDaniel (Moody’s), etc. And let’s not forget their public alter-egos: Alan Greenspan, Ben Bernanke, Henry Paulson, and Timothy Geithner.
I used my savvy interrogation techniques (e.g., waterboarding) and handed out some cash-stuffed envelopes to get my hands on the smoking-gun document possessed by all the aforementioned idiots in H. Huntsman suits. For those of you not wearing sunglasses, brace yourself as you are illuminated to the true blueprints of Illuminati leadership since the dawn of humankind:
This elegant brilliance surpasses Stephen Hawking’s most prized proofs. While other critical theories are improved or replaced over time, this one will probably herd and fleece sheeple for millennia to come. As the Brits annoyingly say: Cheers!