15 Best Michael Scott Quotes From ‘The Office’ That Will Keep You Laughing

The Office is a mockumentary-styled television series that has kept viewers laughing since it first debuted in 2005. Among the numerous funny characters portrayed in the show, one of the most beloved (and funniest) is Michael Scott.

Portrayed by Steve Carell, Michael Scott is the central character throughout the first even seasons, until he leaves the show and is replaced. Scott serves in The Office as the Regional Manager of the Scranton Branch of a paper company called Dunder Mifflin, Inc.

Michael Scott has had plenty of jokes and one-liners during his seven hilarious seasons on the show. From nonsensical quotes and great word mix-ups, to an obvious misunderstanding of everything, Scott has had fans laughing out loud more than his fair share of times.

But which Michael Scott quotes are truly the funniest? Fans have been debating this for years, but we’ve trolled the internet to compile you the ultimate list. These fifteen Michael Scott quotes will keep you laughing, so be sure to not drink anything.

1: Fear the love, love the fear

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

2: At least someone loves Wikipedia

“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.” (We’re pretty sure it works the exact opposite, but that’s just us.)

3: Maybe only one flaw?

“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally, I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” (I wouldn’t tell them to sue you, because we’re pretty sure they will.)

4: He really hates Toby

“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”

5: Actually, you do…

“No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.”

6: Most people don’t feel this way

“An office is not for dying. An office is a place for living life to the fullest, to the max, to… an office is a place where dreams come true.” (Or possibly where people force them to go to earn paychecks… one or the other.)

7: It’s okay, we do the same thing

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”

8: We hope you do too

“I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday.”

9: You might want to get that looked at…

“I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and have worms.” (Don’t worry, there is medication for that.)

10: That’s just wrong

Michael Scott
Michael Scott on ‘The Office’ | via YouTube

“I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.”

11: That’s actually a pretty particular order

“Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”

12: Someone needs to explain this

“I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.”

13: Michael Scott really doesn’t understand holidays

“St. Patrick’s Day is the closest thing the Irish have to Christmas.” (Just an FYI: the Irish do celebrate Christmas.)

14: In a much more real sense…

“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”

15: Actually, it did…

“It’s not like booze ever killed anyone.” (But hey, what does Science and statistics know?)