’90 Day Fiancé’: Asuelu Pulaa’s Samoan Family’s Sense of Entitlement Explained
90 Day Fiancé stars Asuelu Pulaa and Kalani Faagata first shared their relationship with TLC cameras during season 6. After tying the knot and welcoming two children, the couple is now starring on season 5 of Happily Ever After? As fans know, the biggest issues during their relationship have always centered around money. But, the root of the problem might actually be cultural differences.
Kalani Faagata and Asuelu Pulaa’s relationship got off to a rough start
Kalani and Asuelu met in 2016 when she was visiting a resort in Samoa where he worked as the activity’s director. They continued to date after she returned home to California. When she flew back to Samoa to visit, Kalani lost her virginity and got pregnant.
The surprise baby did not sit well with Kalani’s Mormon family, but she continued the relationship. She applied for a K-1 visa to bring Asuelu to the United States so they could raise their son Oliver together.
After tying the knot, the couple found out they were expecting baby number two. They welcomed their son Kennedy in May 2019. Life was not easy for Kalani as the mom of two small children. And, she made it clear that Asuelu wasn’t helping.
In a September 2019 Instagram poll, Kalani’s question for 90 Day Fiancé fans indicated she was having trouble with Asuelu’s laziness.
“Do all husbands expect their wives to pay bills, clean the whole house, do all the laundry, feed/watch the kids 24/7 (unless said husband is in public or wants a selfie)?” Kalani asked in the poll. “Asking for my god***n self. Is this normal?”
The ’90 Day Fiancé’ stars’ families have gotten involved
During the current season of Happily Ever After?, Kalani has made it clear that her marriage is suffering. Her parents moved in to help out with the boys, making Asuelu uncomfortable. However, he refuses to help with his kids because he learned in Samoa that was the wife’s responsibility.
Asuelu has also called Kalani’s job as the mother of two “easy,” and accused her of not being able to do “what mothers in Samoa do.” As Reality TV World points out, he never misses an opportunity to criticize his wife.
At the same time, the 90 Day Fiancé star’s mother has expected him and Kalani to send money to help out his family in Samoa. But this is something that they simply cannot afford to do. However, it does not appear that way to his Samoan family.
Asuelu’s family believes Kalani’s American parents have money to spare and can take care of the two small boys financially. That would apparently free up cash for Asuelu and Kalani to send money to his family, as expected.
But, at this point Kalani believes Asuelu is “trying to buy his family’s love” instead of the money being “a cultural thing.”
Explaining the Samoan sense of entitlement seen on ’90 Day Fiancé’
There are definitely cultural differences between Kalani and Asuelu, and they appear to be at the root of many of their marital problems. Why does Asuelu’s family always expect him to send money?
According to Samoa News, the “Samoan sense of entitlement” is rooted in their culture. The norm in Samoa is for young people to work for their elders until it is “their turn.”
A typical scenario is that a man and woman will work under his father or hers until around the age of 40. Then, when the time comes for progression, there is a social event with a ceremony and a title. After receiving a title, it is considered shameful to work afterward.
“When Samoan elders ‘retire’ it is a source of deep honour to be fed and served by your children and extended family. To have elders uncared for, left alone, or independent is culturally abhorrent,” reports Samoa News.
There is also a “massive sense of entitlement” in Samoa, says blogger Dennis A. Smith. “To take from those with something because they have it or can afford it” is the cultural norm.
New episodes of the 90 Day Fiancé franchise air Sunday and Monday nights on TLC.