It’s no secret that Beyoncé is notoriously private when it comes to her personal life. Though she rarely speaks about what goes on behind closed doors, the singer has given fans some insight into her life through her music. During her career, the singer’s written some very personal songs, one of which details a pretty dark time in her life.
Beyoncé suffered a miscarriage in 2010
Two years before giving birth to her daughter, Blue Ivy Carter, in January 2012, Beyoncé experienced heartbreak like no other when she suffered a miscarriage.
In her 2013 HBO documentary Life Is But a Dream, Beyoncé shared that her first pregnancy started out like any other. After hearing her child’s heartbeat for the first time, the singer became excited at the thought of being a mom and started preparing to welcome her baby into the world.
“About two years ago, I was pregnant for the first time and I heard the heartbeat, which was the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard in my life,” the multi-Grammy winner said in the film. “There’s something that happens when you hear the heartbeat. It makes you truly know that there’s life inside of you. I picked out names. I envisioned what my child looked like. I was feeling very maternal. My first child with the man that I love. My family was so excited.”
Unfortunately, Bey’s excitement didn’t last as she later learned that she wouldn’t get to meet her baby.
“I flew back to New York to get my check-up and no heartbeat,” Beyoncé recalled. “Literally the week before, I went to the doctor [and] everything was fine. But there was no heartbeat.”
Beyoncé wrote the song ‘Heartbeat’ following her miscarriage
Shortly after learning that she had suffered a miscarriage, Beyoncé headed to the studio, where she poured all of the emotions she was feeling at that time into a song.
“I went into the studio and wrote the saddest song I’ve ever written in my life,” Beyoncé shared.
“It was actually the first song I wrote for my album,” the singer said. “And it was the best form of therapy for me because it was the saddest thing I’ve ever been through.”
In the documentary, Beyoncé can be heard singing some of the lyrics from the song.
“I guess love just wasn’t enough for us to survive. I swear, I swear, I swear, I tried,” she sings. “You took the life right out of me. I’m so unlucky I can’t breathe. You took the life right out of me. I’m longing for your heartbeat.”
Beyoncé opened up about her miscarriage in 2019
Though she lost a child, Beyoncé has gained three since her miscarriage in 2010.
Although her dream of being a mother had come true, Beyoncé often thought about the miscarriage she had suffered after welcoming her three children. However, instead of dwelling on the pain that loss had caused her, Beyoncé used the experience to better herself as a mother and an award-winning singer.
“I began to search for deeper meaning when life began to teach me lessons I didn’t know I needed,” Beyoncé told ELLE magazine in 2019. “Success looks different to me now. I learned that all pain and loss is in fact a gift. Having miscarriages taught me that I had to mother myself before I could be a mother to someone else. Then I had Blue, and the quest for my purpose became so much deeper.”
Beyoncé continued, “I died and was reborn in my relationship, and the quest for self became even stronger. It’s difficult for me to go backwards. Being ‘number one’ was no longer my priority. My true win is creating art and a legacy that will live far beyond me. That’s fulfilling.”