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‘Gilmore Girls’: 3 Negative Traits That Lorelai and Emily Gilmore Have in Common

'Gilmore Girls' might have been all about Lorelai Gilmore and Rory Gilmore, but Lorelai's relationship with her own mother was equally important. While Lorelai long suggested she and her mother couldn't get along because they were too different, they had several negative traits in common.

Emily Gilmore and Lorelai Gilmore’s tortured relationship was highlighted on Gilmore Girls. It was on full display in Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Lifetoo. While the mother-daughter duo ascertained that they were nothing alike, fans of the series see it differently. They think Lorelai and Emily didn’t get along because they were too much alike. It’s easy to pinpoint several negative traits that Lorelai and Emily had in common.

Emily Gilmore and Lorelai Gilmore were both incredibly possessive over their daughters

Lorelai and Emily were both incredibly possessive of their children. Lorelai was Emily’s only child. Rory Gilmore, Lorelai’s daughter, was also an only child. Emily and Lorelai both poured all their energy into their kids and were a bit possessive. In fact, the shared trait is what led to the most problems between Emily and Lorelai and Lorelai and Rory.

Lauren Graham as Lorelai Gilmore and Kelly Bishop as Emily Gilmore sit next to each other on a couch during a scene from 'Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life'
Lauren Graham as Lorelai Gilmore and Kelly Bishop as Emily Gilmore } Netflix

Sure, Lorelai and Emily’s parenting styles looked markedly different on the surface. Lorelai was more permissive than Emily. She also wanted to be her child’s friend. If you dig a little deeper, though, it becomes clear that Lorelai parented Rory in the same way Emily parented Lorelai. Her approach was softer, but they were both incredibly possessive and over-invested.

‘Gilmore Girls’ fans notice that neither Emily nor Lorelai were great communicators

Emily and Lorelai had plenty of strengths. They were both organized. They were both natural-born leaders, and they both could put together a great party. Still, neither was a particularly strong communicator, especially when it came to communicating with their romantic partners. Emily was incredibly self-assured, but she shied away from explaining to Richard Gilmore exactly what was bothering her in season 5. It ultimately led to their separation.

Just like her mother, Lorelai had a difficult time communicating her needs to her partner. Lorelai refused to explain to Luke Danes why she was deeply bothered by his desire to put off their wedding. She declined to speak to him about his handling of the April situation, too. Instead, she took a hands-off approach until she finally snapped. The decision led to the demise of their relationship at the end of season 6 of Gilmore Girls.

Emily Gilmore and Lorelai Gilmore used manipulation to get their way (and it almost always backfires)

Because neither Gilmore girl was a great communicator, they often relied on other tactics to get their way. Namely, they used manipulation, and it never seemed to work out. Emily often tried to manipulate Lorelai’s love life, and it always ended disastrously. In season 5, for example, Emily tried to manipulate Christopher Hayden into breaking up Luke and Lorelai. While it ultimately worked, it led to a bitter feud.

Lauren Graham and Sally Struthers in 'Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life'
Lauren Graham and Sally Struthers in ‘Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life’ | Saeed Adyani/Netflix

‘Gilmore Girls’: 3 Times Emily Gilmore Was Absolutely Awful to Lorelai Gilmore

Lorelai didn’t infringe as intensely on her own daughter’s love life, but she did like to control her via manipulation. For example, Lorelai attempted to force Rory into returning to school. It didn’t work out in Lorelai’s favor and led to a bitter feud. Lorelai’s attempt to manipulate Rory into returning to Yale led the always-close pair to not speak for more than five months.