‘Gilmore Girls’: Paris Geller’s 3 Most Brutal (But Funniest) Insults

No one could deliver an insult quite like Paris Geller on Gilmore Girls. Played by Liza Weil, Rory Gilmore’s enemy-turned-roommate had zero time for silly questions and plenty of sarcasm to go around, making her one of the most brutally honest characters on the show. Even when she showed her caring side, Paris always found a way to slip in a snide remark. Gilmore Girls fans might have found Paris outright cruel at first, but many grew to love her quick wit over time. Here are some of her funniest burns.

Liza Weil as Paris Geller and Alexis Bledel as Rory Gilmore in Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life
Liza Weil as Paris Geller and Alexis Bledel as Rory Gilmore in ‘Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life’ | Saeed Adyani/Netflix

Liza Weil loved how unapologetic Paris Geller was in ‘Gilmore Girls’

Like many fans, Weil didn’t understand why Paris had to be so rude at first. She explained to Time in 2016 that she wasn’t sure there was any “value” in playing a mean girl. However, as she got to know her character, she realized Paris had much more depth.

“In season one, it was hard. I do remember feeling like, oh gosh, what is the value of portraying a mean girl on television? I’m not sure if it was helping anybody. It didn’t feel good to do it. Once we started learning more about Paris, it really made sense to me very quickly,” she said.

Weil added that she eventually found Paris very relatable because of the Chilton Preparatory School alum’s passion and intensity.

“I think a lot of that stuff comes out of the need of wanting to belong and being insecure and uncomfortable,” she continued. “Like all of us, [Paris] figured out who she was and became less apologetic about it.”

‘No, it’s National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot.’

One of Paris’ most beloved and memorable lines came in Gilmore Girls Season 4 Episode 17, “Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doin’ the Twist.” After working a table with Rory (Alexis Bledel) to collect donations for Burmese prisons in strong wind and rain, the Yale students ran into their dorm building, soaking wet. Of course, Paris was already irritated from the cold, so her wrath came in full force when a fellow student asked if it was raining out.

“No, it’s National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot,” Paris said.

Ouch. Weil delivered her line perfectly, and it served as a perfect example of Paris’ quick thinking. We can only imagine how that poor student felt after the blow.

‘As my mother always says, somebody has to answer the phones.’

Paris certainly knew how to fuel her high school rivalry with Rory. In season 1 episode 4, “The Deer Hunters,” she indirectly teases Rory for getting a D on a test by talking to Madeline (Shelly Cole) and Louise (Teal Redmann) about their own grades. Paris said a B would be “respectable,” but a D would be “a cause for concern, a job application at McDonald’s.”

“Hey, you know, not everybody can be smart. As my mother always says, somebody has to answer the phones,” she added.

That was one of many times Paris commented on others’ intelligence, and she often associated the insults with fast food or retail jobs. She would go on to make a similar comment about an SAT prep student during her Yale years, noting that the student didn’t need SAT knowledge to work in doughnut sales.

‘You offer nothing to women or the world in general.’

No one was safe from Paris’ brutality, but those who scorned her and her friends received the worst of it. Logan Huntzberger (Matt Czuchry) learned that the hard way in Gilmore Girls Season 6 Episode 17, “I’m OK, You’re OK,” when he tried to apologize to Rory for cheating on her. Paris wouldn’t let him through the door, delivering a speech about how he couldn’t offer anything of value to Rory.

“You, Logan Huntzberger, are nothing but a two-bit, spoiled waste of a trust fund. You offer nothing to women or the world in general. If you were to disappear from the face of the earth tomorrow, the only person that would miss you is your Porsche dealer,” she said.

As harsh as Paris was in that moment, many viewers could only wish to someday have a friend so willing to verbally obliterate someone who hurt them. In some of her meanest moments, it was clear that Paris cared deeply for Rory.

All seven seasons of Gilmore Girls are now streaming on Netflix.

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