Jennifer Lopez says she didn’t truly love herself
In her book True Love, Lopez says relationships were difficult for her because she didn’t truly love herself. She says her lack of self-love took the form of relationship hopping. Lopez admits she couldn’t be alone for an extended period. She felt the need to constantly be in a romantic relationship.
“I was never single for long, and whenever I got together with someone, that was it—we were instantly inseparable, monogamous, together for the long haul,” wrote Lopez. “I never thought, ‘Well, let me take some time to see if I really want to be with this person. Do I even like him? Is he right for me?’ I didn’t see this behavior for what it was—an act of not really loving myself.”
Lopez says she ‘felt abused’ in some of her relationships
Although Lopez says she was never the victim of a physically abusive relationship, she does say she did feel abused in other ways. “I’ve never gotten a black eye or a busted lip, but I’ve been in relationships where I have felt abused in one way or another: mentally, emotionally, verbally,” wrote Lopez.
“I know what it feels like for your soul to be diminished by the way your loved one is treating you,” she continued. “Maybe it’s a push, a shove, or a nasty word that stays with you. The scars might not be visible, but they run just as deep.”
What Jennifer Lopez learned about her verbally and emotionally abusive relationships
Lopez says it took a long time to understand the dynamics of verbally and emotionally abusive relationships. “It took me years to figure out that in that kind of relationship the intensity and the conflict are really coming from two people—your partner and yourself,” wrote Lopez. “Because every day that you don’t walk out that door, every day you accept things in your partner and in yourself, is a day that you’re saying it’s OK.”
The singer says she eventually realized she could only be responsible for her behavior. She felt the need to figure out what part she might have played in dragging out a relationship that was past its expiration date. “Ultimately, we can never change someone else’s behavior—we can only change our own,” she continued.
A change within
Lopez also says she realized she had to do more work on herself. While she was putting her world tour together, certain songs and dance routines led her to moments of reflection. Certain lyrics served as a mirror for her, guiding her toward the steps she should take in her personal life.
“Through putting the show together, I realized that what I was working through wasn’t about any one relationship, issue, or person. It was about anything in my life that I wasn’t OK with,” wrote Lopez. “Anything I wanted to change. And I was getting to a point where I understood that that change had to happen within me.”
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