Jennifer Lopez: The One Thing She Had to Do Otherwise ‘Relationships Were Never Going to Work Out’

Jennifer Lopez might’ve been wrong when she sang her 2000 song, “Love Don’t Cost a Thing.” 

Nearly 20 (!) years later, J. Lo’s lived and learned. She’s been married and divorced numerous times — Lopez says her first two marriages don’t count — and in 2018 the multihyphenate opened up about working on herself before embarking on another relationship.

Today, she’s happily engaged to former MLB player for the New York Yankees Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez, but prior to that, she went on a path of self-discovery to learn how to break an unhealthy pattern with men. 

J. Lo’s ‘done blaming other people’

In an interview with People published on Dec. 13, 2018, J. Lo revealed what she learned about relationships after her 2014 divorce from fellow singer Marc Anthony. 

“I knew there was something going on that I did not understand,” Lopez said. 

The time had come for some serious self-reflection on J. Lo’s part. But the mother of two didn’t do it alone. To figure it out, the World of Dance judge enlisted the help of a therapist. 

“I was done blaming other people – he did this or he did that – and I said to myself, no, it’s you,” Lopez said. 

Working with a therapist, 50-year-old J. Lo discovered she always had someone there for her — which can be a good thing, sure — but in her case, she never spent an extended period of time alone. 

“I grew up sharing a bed with my sisters from the time I was born, [and then] it was one boyfriend, and then another, and then a husband, and [so on], and I realized you’ve never been alone,” Lopez explained. 

That’s when the actress, who may get an Oscar nod this year for her performance in Hustlers, decided to press pause on relationships. 

She had to ‘learn to be happy’ alone

Before Lopez could enter a romantic relationship, she needed to learn to do two things that are easier said than done. 

Jennifer Lopez at the Gotham Awards on Dec. 2, 2019
Jennifer Lopez at the Gotham Awards on Dec. 2, 2019 | Theo Wargo/Getty Images for IFP

“Until I could really learn to be happy on my own and love myself, these relationships were never going to work out, no matter what,” she said. 

Over time, it happened. And when it did, it  “was a big turning point for me,” J. Lo added. 

Lopez’s kids taught her about love

With her ex-husband, Anthony, Lopez shares 11-year-old twins, Emme and Max, whom she often calls her “coconuts” in social media posts. While Lopez went through what she called “the dark forest” her kids were a source of light who helped her emerge through the trees a better version of herself with a clear understanding of love. 

Emme and Max taught their mom “love was supposed to feel a certain way – just natural [with] a very selfless, unconditional pure quality,” Lopez said.

It wasn’t until Lopez saw A-Rod at a restaurant did she think she could start dating again. 

“It wasn’t until I met Alex that I felt like, ‘Okay, I can be in a relationship again,’” she recalled. “Everything feels healthy and different…We bring something to each other’s lives that is profound, good and healthy.”
J. Lo and A-Rod haven’t told the world when they’re getting married but they did share snaps from a Sept. 2019 engagement party on Intstagram.