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The marital issues between Kody Brown of TLC’s Sister Wives and his first wife, Meri Brown, have continued for all 15 seasons of the popular polygamy show. From Meri’s emotional affair with a catfish to Meri and Kody’s legal divorce in 2014, the couple has been through many ups and downs.

In a new interview with Us Weekly on Mar. 10, Meri revealed that, in her darkest moments, she had considered leaving Kody and the rest of the polygamous Brown family.

Janelle, Meri, Kody, and Christine Brown at a party for the 'Dancing With the Stars: Las Vegas' premiere in 2012
Janelle, Meri, Kody, and Christine Brown | Ethan Miller/Getty Images for AEG Live

Meri said she and Kody had to find a ‘new normal’

In her latest interview, Meri revealed that her infamous line on the show about her relationship with Kody being “done” and “over” was actually taken somewhat out of context. At the time, she explained, she just meant they needed to “figure out a new normal” after 30 years of marriage.

As for her relationship status with Kody now, the Sister Wives star seemed to imply that not much had drastically changed.

“I think, like most relationships, you’re gonna have your ups and downs,” Meri mused. “The way I look at it, it’s a matter of, ‘Am I going to stick through it with him when he’s having a dark time? And is he gonna stick through it with me when I’m having a dark time?’”

If the answer to those questions was “yes,” she reasoned, then Meri and Kody had to find a way to “move forward” if they wanted to keep their commitments.

The ‘Sister Wives’ star said she once considered ‘all options’

While Kody and Meri’s relationship might not have been where she wanted it to be, the Sister Wives star said she’d come to terms with that. She wanted to let go of the outcome and focus on what she could do to improve things.

“I think there’s always improvement to be made, but I am at peace where I am,” Meri said. “I’m happy in my life, and any improvement we could make on the relationship between me and him, I think would be great.”

The interviewer referenced an early discussion with Kody, in which he revealed that he didn’t feel he had the right to ask for a divorce from any of his wives. However, he made it clear that his wives were free to do what they wanted in terms of leaving the relationship.

When asked whether she’d ever considered a divorce from Kody (meaning a spiritual divorce, not a legal one), Meri admitted that it had been on the table at one point.

“In my very, very dark time in my life, about six years ago, I went through a time when I was considering what I wanted to do,” the Sister Wives mom and wife said. “I was considering all options and what that would look like.”

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Kody’s first wife ultimately decided to stay

Meri went on to explain that she realized, after some reflection, that it wasn’t “safe” to make a decision during a dark night of the soul.

“When you are in a place of pain or hurt or sorrow, it’s not the time to make a decision,” she argued.

Ultimately, the Sister Wives star continued, “I made the decision to stay. This is my family. This is where I made a commitment, and this is where I am.”

Kody’s first wife also said she didn’t see eye to eye with her husband when it came to his statement on a recent Sister Wives episode that he didn’t “see value in the relationship” with her. He insinuated that Meri didn’t value their marriage anymore either.

“I didn’t agree with that statement then, nor do I now,” Meri declared. “Honestly, it made me a little bit sad to see that. At the same time, that was where he was, and I have to honor and respect that. Well, I don’t have to, but I choose to.”

At the end of the day, Meri concluded, she was trying to let go of others’ feelings about her and just be herself.

“I can’t control what [others] think or feel,” she said. “All I can do is show up as the best version of me.”