‘The Office’: 17 Best Michael Scott Quotes With Questionable Life Advice

Michael Scott (Steve Carell) often thinks he’s wiser than he actually is. However, he often has a rare piece of advice that is valuable, even if it’s phrased incorrectly. Many of his quotes from The Office are humorous with some wisdom.

Here are 17 Michael Scott quotes from ‘The Office’ with questionable life advice

Steve Carell as Michael Scott in The Office
Steve Carell as Michael Scott | Justin Lubin/NBCU Photo Bank

1. “When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! OK?”

  • The Office Season 2, Episode 19 “Michael’s Birthday”

We all know this is a scam, but Michael’s charitable nature blinds him from the truth.

2. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

  • The Office Season 2, Episode 6 “The Fight”

Michael has a desperate need to be liked and that need sometimes influences his way of thinking.

3. “The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and they’d come down and they’d suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!”

  • The Office Season 3, Episode 9 “The Convict”

Prison Mike is one of Michael’s best characters, but he doesn’t have the most accurate idea of what prison is like

4. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”

  • The Office Season 3, Episode 19 “The Negotiation”

Michael is too trusting of where he gets his information.

5. “There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.”

Michael would not do well in a modern work environment with this logic.

6. “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend.”

  • The Office Season 2, Episode 18 “Take Your Daughter to Work Day”

Making friends is hard, but it might not be the best reason to have kids. 

7. “You know what they say ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice… strike three.’”

  • The Office Season 3, Episode 3 “The Coup”

This is one of the quotes from The Office that everyone knows, but Michael can’t seem to get it right. 

8. “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”

  • The Office Season 3, Episode 4 “Grief Counseling”

It’s a good sentiment. However, it’s not exactly what Charlie Brown’s catchphrase means.

9. “Friends joke with one another. ‘Hey, you’re poor.’ ‘Hey, your mama’s dead.’ That’s what friends do.”

It’s good to joke around with your friends. Just make sure it doesn’t get too personal. 

10. “I don’t come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.”

Michael is not a lawyer. Please don’t follow his legal advice. 

11. “We’re all homos. Homo… Sapiens.”

  • The Office Season 3, Episode 1 “Gay Witch Hunt”

Michael is always trying to unite his employees, but he might want to work on his phrasing. 

12. “I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate… no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it… Nike.”

  • The Office Season 1, Episode 6 “Hot Girl”

Nike may not always be the best slogan to live by.

13. “Don’t, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or, or where you’ve been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.”

  • The Office Season 5, Episode 11 “The Duel”

This is one of the longer quotes from The Office but it perfectly captures Michael’s struggle to formulate his own thoughts.

14. “The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.”

  • The Office Season 6, Episode 16 “The Manager and the Salesman”

It’s always good to have a high bar, even if the bar isn’t real in a literal sense. 

15. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”

  • The Office Season 5, Episode 11 “The Duel”

Michael usually doesn’t think before he speaks, so this statement makes sense.

16. “Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say, ‘Hey man, I love you. This many dollars worth.’”

It’s more the thought that counts. No matter what the price is. 

17. “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”

  • The Office Season 2, Episode 11 “Booze Cruise”

It’s nice that Michael likes to bring some fun to the workplace. 

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