What Were Larry David’s New Year’s Resolutions? He Explains His Favorites to Stephen Colbert

Larry David appeared on an episode of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert this month, during which the two discussed the new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Fans of the show will remember that Stephen Colbert actually had a brief appearance on the episode of the show as a disgruntled fan. During their chat, Larry David revealed that he’s recently gotten into New Year’s resolutions, and he has a few that he thinks everyone should adopt. 

Larry David does this before he leaves the house 

Stephen Colbert and Larry David
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and guest Larry David | Scott Kowalchyk/CBS via Getty Images

Larry David explained to Stephen Colbert that following New Year’s resolutions is a new thing for him — only recently has the Curb Your Enthusiasm creator decided to start using them. However, he has a number one resolution that he thinks has worked out excellently for him so far. 

“See here’s the thing, I never used to do resolutions. A couple years ago, I did one. And it’s worked, and it was ‘pee before you leave.’ Anywhere,” explained Larry David. 

“Don’t be ashamed to go to the bathroom! Just say, ‘I have to go to the bathroom before I go.’ People aren’t going to look down on you for doing that. Go, go to the bathroom! And then leave, you’ll be so much happier than sitting in the car, cursing yourself, going, ‘I don’t know why I didn’t go to the bathroom. Why didn’t I go?’” said David. 

However, that wasn’t the only trip-related resolution that really stuck for the comedy king. He went on to reveal that another common-sense resolution has become a mainstay. 

“Now last year, I had another one that’s been really good. And that was, ‘Make two trips.’ You’re coming home with groceries, okay, you gotta go into the house — don’t pile it up, you know, dont pile everything up and go into the house! You drop stuff, you’re dropping canteloupe on the floor, you know, go in with one bag! Take half, go into the house, drop it off, then go back to the car,” explained David. 

Colbert quipped, “You threw me slightly there when you said, ‘Make two trips.’ I thought two trips to the bathroom. I was gonna say, two trips, and then straight to the urologist.”

Larry David doesn’t wave anymore 

But, being Larry David, he has a few more opinions to share, also in the forms of resolutions. And one of them has to do with how we interact with waiters. 

Larry David revealed that another one of his resolutions has been to stop waving at waiters. He told Stephen Colbert, “Wait I got another resolution for this year. I got two for this year. Stop waving at waiters to get their attention. Don’t wave like this, it’s like my father, ‘Hey come here, come here.’” 

Colbert asked how David plans to get their attention. “I’m gonna start nodding. I think it’s better.” 

David then went on to give a few examples, and Colbert said, “That looks exhausting!” He then admitted that he waves at waiters, and thinks it’s fine — something with which David disagrees.

Swiping is hard 

Stephen Colbert and Larry David
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and guest Larry David | Scott Kowalchyk/CBS via Getty Images

Larry David’s second resolution for 2020 is a little more farfetched. It seems as if David struggles to deal with swiping and inserting his card. 

“I have one more resolution,” revealed David when Colbert tried to move on. “I said I have two for this year, and you didn’t listen!” joked David.

“I’m gonna learn how to swipe, cause I’m not a good swiper, with the card,” explained David. “Swiping. I’m a bad swiper. You know you’re in a cab and you gotta swipe sometimes. Now you have to insert.”

“Never been great at inserting. I always need a little help,” joked David. 

Fans of Larry David can watch Season 10 of Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO. The show will release weekly on Sundays.