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Dani Soares from Below Deck Sailing Yacht broke down during the latest episode wondering what she was doing in yachting and not in a relationship.

She disclosed that her close friend, a man with who she envisioned sharing her life with, died only months before she joined the show. She made this revelation to Sydney Zaruba, tearing up and admitting she wasn’t sure what she was doing in yachting and felt lost.

Dani Soares from Below Deck Sailing Yacht on WWHL
Dani Soares from Below Deck Sailing Yacht on WWHL | Bravo/NBCU Photo Bank

Dani Soares reveals her close friend had just died

She later broke down in front of chief stew Daisy Kelliher after Gary King rolled his eyes about Jean-Luc Cerza Lanaux. Cerza Lanaux missed a slew of areas he was supposed to clean at night and King thought having Soares on late at night distracted him. Soares and Cerza Lanaux started a boatmance and were kissing during their late shift.

“Maybe if I leave the boat maybe everyone can work happy without me here,” Soares said to King. But Kelliher and King assured Soares the responsibility is on Cerza Lanaux and not her. However, she is still brought to tears. “I’m having a little breakdown right now,” she admitted to Kelliher.

“How did I get here?” she wondered in a confessional. “I’m in my thirties. I do like my job but it’s not like my career. I’m hooking up with a 24-year-old boy. I’m having fights with the crew members and I’m still grieving my friend that passed. What’s going on with my life?”

Dani Soares seems to be having an existential crisis

“I’m too old to be doing this sh*t,” she added trying to hold back the tears. “What am I doing with my life?”

She’s comforted later in the crew mess. “I’m just having a mini breakdown,” Soares admitted. “Like what am I doing with my life, what am I doing here? What the f**k is going on.”

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“I’m 32-years-old, I have no f**king proper job,” she continued. Zaruba replied that [being a stew] is a proper job. “It isn’t a proper job,” Soares remarked. Soares pointed out that chef Natasha de Bourg actually has what she considers to be a proper job. “You’re a chef!” Soares said to de Bourg. “I’m not a stewardess on land!” Alli Dore arrived and wondered what was happening.

But when King returned to the crew mess, everyone broke out laughing. And Soares said, “I’m gonna go fix my face.”

Midseason previews show that Soares has the future on her mind. She’s seen kissing Cerza Lanaux but then says to him. “Let’s have sex tonight and if I get pregnant, then that’s God’s will.”

Soares recently announced she is indeed pregnant. She did not offer any details about the pregnancy except a photo and caption on Instagram. “It’s just you and I little baby,” she wrote.

Below Deck Sailing Yacht is on Monday at 9/8c on Bravo.