Lea Michele Has a ‘Friendship No-No’ List
Lea Michele is serious about friendship. In her book, the Glee star talks about the importance of having good friends who support you through life’s highs and lows. Here’s what she said about the rules she has when it comes to being friends.
1. You shouldn’t feel like you have to pretend
In her book, Brunette Ambition, Lea Michele says you shouldn’t feel like you have to pretend to be someone else around your friends. Michele says real friends allow you to be comfortable and just be yourself.
“If you feel like you can’t be yourself, something is wrong with the friendship,” writes Michele. “Not only should you feel like yourself when you’re together, but your friends should make you feel like the best version of yourself.”
2. Your friends shouldn’t do all the taking while you do all the giving
There should be a balanced amount of give and take between you and your friend. Michele says it isn’t fair when one person does all the giving and the other person does all the taking.
“There should be reciprocation,” writes Michele. “Just as you’d do anything for the people you love, you should expect the same from them. My friends would get up in the middle of the night to be there for me; I would make the same sacrifice for the people I love.”
3. Your friends shouldn’t wish you harm
Michele says many of her friends are actresses. Although this is a situation that would normally bring out the worst in people, Michele says this isn’t the case with her friends. According to her, they support each other even when they’re up for the same acting roles.
“Your friends should want the best for you,” writes Michele. “A lot of my friends are actresses, and that could be considered an uncomfortable or a competitive thing. Sometimes we might even be up for some of the same roles, which you’d think would be awkward. It’s not: We truly want each other to get the role as much as we want it for ourselves. Might seem impossible to believe, but it’s true.”
4. Your friends shouldn’t be malicious
If your friend seems to constantly look for ways to cut you down, this isn’t really a friend. Michele tells her readers a real friend offers love and support.
“If someone’s malicious, they’re not the right friend for you,” Michele writes. “Love and support are the basis of any long-lasting friendship—it can be impossible to recover from harsh and unkind words. This doesn’t mean that you can’t express the things that bother you about each other, but if it’s done in a way that feels undeniably mean, that’s not okay.”
5. Your friends should never betray you
Another “no-no” on Michele’s list is betrayal. She says someone who claims to be your friend would not betray you. Michele adds that a good friendship should be a safe place where you feel free to share anything.
“Betrayal is never okay,” writes Michele. “My friends and I have a code word that we say to each other that means that nothing we say can leave the room. If you have a friend who is betraying that circle of trust, then they’re not a good friend. You need to know that you can feel safe to say and do whatever you need to do around those you’re closest with.”
6. Your friends should know how to let things go
If your friend tends to hold grudges and doesn’t know how to let things go, you have a problem. Michele says she doesn’t like to feel that anything is coming between her and her friends.
“I get very nervous when I get into arguments with friends,” writes Michele. “I hate feeling like there’s anything coming between me and a good friend, and so I always make the effort to call, reach out, or go over to give them a big hug. It can be scary, but it’s always worth putting an argument behind us so that it doesn’t become a bigger deal than it actually is.”
Follow Sheiresa Ngo on Twitter.